A Summit and Monsoon Wedding

It's 10:22 p.m. and I don't know where my children are. But that's okay because:
a. we live by no rules right now and
b. of the Summit.

I just spent the last half hour cleaning and dancing around the kitchen while my infant daughter watched me and bounced in her Johnny-jump-up. Dancing keeps us both from crying. And if someone comes to clean our house tomorrow, then of course I have to clean it first!?

I also wonder, because of the Indian music, how many daughters on this earth tonight are getting ready for their mothers to die?

I got back from seeing my mom at the hospital at about 9:30 p.m. I'd called to check in on my dad who was with baby Maureen. She was only crying the first time I called. The second time he was carrying her around, which always makes her happy.

My mom was totally different tonight than she was this morning when I saw her at the radiation clinic. This a.m. we talked to Dr. Diaz, who I love. He has warm brown eyes like my neighbor's, and I trust him. He is a good guy. This morning I told him that all I wanted was for my mom to get enough radiation so that I could get here back to Iowa and that she be able to talk to her mom when she gets there. My feeling is that she and my grandma have some loose ends to tie up, and I want to make sure that happens. We talked about how she could start radiation, he recommends 11 sessions (1x per business day), and that she can stop any time. She can quit and go back to Iowa at any time.

Tonight when I saw her everything seemed more tranquil. She had seen the priest I called from the Basilica to give her the sacrament of the sick, and I think that gave her a lot of peace. She was so at peace tonight that I asked her if she had received any new drugs (i.e. tranquilizers) today. She said no. And she was talking more like herself tonight, which makes me think that the Decadron is working and reducing her brain symptoms by reducing swelling. Or maybe radiation is already kicking in?

Anyway, tonight I believe that she will end up coming home to us and spending time here before she goes back to Iowa. Or maybe she will choose to stay here through this whole process. I want her to come home to us because I'm not ready to let go. And neither is she.