am I missing something?

Lord, help me! Mother of God, pray for me.

I was getting out of my car one evening when I thought I detected the scent of incense. It must have been someone having an after dinner fire in a nearby home, but it really got me going. It reminded me of taking Maggie to 9:30 mass when she was an infant. For several days afterward I would enjoy the rosey smell of incense in her sweet baby hair. I would postpone bathing her that week, so I could continue taking in this physical and wonderful perk to being a Catholic.

Today I had a strong desire to go to church, and to the Basilica, specifically. I considered going to a vespers service this afternoon, but chickened out. Also toyed with the idea of going to the first of a new lecture series on Eucharistic spirituality, which was started in honor of a Basilica member who trained me and many others as an extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. I found plenty of valid, daily life excuses for not going, but mostly I didn't have energy for a crowd. Or for small talking with people I haven't seen for months and months.

So I do feel a hole in my life since I'm not going to church. And then I have Frank asking me, "when can we go back to the Atrium?"

Have I let go of too much too fast? Would a slower voyage into unchurched world have made more sense? I'm proving every day how bad I am with change, and maybe I've bit off more than I can chew? I don't know, but I also must admit to appreciating a new sense of calm in our Sunday morning schedule.

Also made a vow yesterday to get back to the habit of cardio exercise before I decide whether to take the new AD drug. Yesterday was a fairly good day, but today stunk. I went running both days, and recognize that it helped. Running can not be my sport, though, as my knees will not put up with it. I also asked my friend for her opinion on what I should do about the drug since I'm scared about taking it. She said, "Take it anyway". This from Rebecca, who is not usually so direct in her speech! I'm not taking the effexor yet, because I'm not ready to give in. The known of this minor depression is more acceptable to me than the unknown side effects of the drug.

Tomorrow I will try Bodypump at the Y, which is cheaper than going to boxing. Plus my self esteem is presently in the crapper, which makes showing up at the boxing gym seem like a sad joke.