letting go

I talked to my mom tonight. She sounded hoarse and tired, but like she's trying to be upbeat. Her main concern was for my grandma and the nasty cold she's battling. Whenever my mom and grandma are together, grandma magically becomes the center of the universe. Apparently my mom dying of brain cancer does not change this dynamic.

The past week has been bizarre for me because my mom and I are so out of touch. She is a little voice on the phone now instead of big personality "grandma Carol" who I once shared my daily life with. It has been a relief to not feel the stress of responding to her needs, which are evolving on a daily basis. It has also been uncomfortable to not be so involved. Decisions have been made in Iowa that I would have disagreed with if I'd had a voice. But I'm not there and nobody asked me and it's all quite out of my hands.