gene pool

What I didn't get:

blue eyes, perky personality, extroversion, aptitude for math

What I did get:

brown eyes, critical mind, intense emotional life, depression

The last one is kicking me in the ass right now. Harder than ever before and deeper than I knew possible. I've spent the past 11 days becoming very intimate with the DISH TV I got for my mom in the basement. Anxiety has kept me down there alot, feeling the comfort of being underground, surrounded and supported by rich, dark deep earth. This has been my preference over hospitalization. I've also learned that anti-anxiety drugs are effective and legitimate and not just for weak little pussies. And that 9 plus months of too goddamn much stress has become my most powerful enemy. Tomorrow is day 21 of anti depressant drug, which takes 4-6 weeks for full effect.

Thank God for Tim, our family, daycare and the treat-ability of this illness. Anyone who feels inclined to confuse depression with grief, please go do a google search and educate yourself. They are not the same, and if I were feeling grief right now it would be a relief.

It is a good sign that I got the energy to write this. I expect there is more to come.