phone calls

I got two calls from Ottumwa yesterday. The first one was the hospice social worker telling me that she had just seen my mom at the hospital and talked to her about going to Hospice House next. The SW had seen that the MD had recommended HH in the chart, instead of going back to home hospice. The SW said that my mom doesn't want to go to HH, but that she is willing to leave it up to her kids now. We've been very clear with hospice staff that we don't want her to stay at home for hospice, and Mike arrived in Des Moines last night. Hopefully she will get to HH today or tomorrow.

SW also said that she has been visiting with my mom every couple of days since I called last week and asked that mom and grandma get their emotional needs attended to by hospice. She said that my mom has been hard to work with because she is so attached to her denial that she is dying. SW asked me if I had any tips? I said work on Grandma. Grandma told me when I was alone with her last weekend that she knows there is a point where "you just know it's better not to go on like this". If grandma does some letting go and expresses this to my mom, then I think my mom will be able to also.

Then I had a call from a nice sounding Scottish lady asking for me? It turned out to me my mom's Pakistani doctor, Dr. Ahmed. She was returning my call from the previous day. She wanted to let me know that my mom's broncoscopy two weeks ago showed that she has something in her lung called MAI. It is a bacteria that people whose immune system is supressed are susceptible to. It is often found in AIDS patients or people who've had intensive chemo treatment. It causes skin lesions after a certain point. The treatment is heavy duty antibiotics, and the doctor did not recommend that mom get treated. She says it would be too hard on her already burdened system.

MD also expressed concern that my mom has not accepted that she is dying. I told her that the SW said that mom is getting mad now. Mad at her legs especially, because they are not working. Mad is good because it is movement away from denial, so SW encouraged her in this.

On Monday morning my mom did a lot of crying with me. It was like the floodgates opened as soon as she and I were left alone in her hospital room. I asked Freda if she has cried with her much, and she says no. I'm hoping that she will cry with Mike too, but I don't know if that will happen. My sense was that the release of tears is what she needs right now, and it broke my heart to leave her when I knew she needed more of this.