depresso update

It's been a while since I've blogged about depression, which I see as a good sign! I've been on the new drug, Effexor, since 11-20-05, which means it's been in my system long enough to be working. Also phased out drug #1, fluoxetine, with 1/8 having been my last day after tapering for 2 weeks. I will see psych. M.D. #3 on Monday to discuss how things are going with this drug at my current dosage. I have to admit I've felt much different in the past when I've taken AD drugs. Much "better" I guess, in that I've felt beyond all past problems, strong as nails, like I could handle anything that life might throw at me. High? Perhaps hyperthymic even? But I've never considered that to be a problem.

This time, I'd say that I'm feeling just fine. I'm not flying high on life, and I'm not overwhelmed by it either. I'm just in that perfectly fine place in the middle, where life is not flawless and I don't expect it to be. Messes don't bother me as much, the irritating behaviors of others are less so, and I don't waste energy feeling disappointed about everything in me and around me.

The best sign that I am well is that I am actually feeling excited about things. I'm looking into a new career, teaching English and/or ESL. And Tim and I are talking about the possibility of an international adventure some time in the next few years. Back to Vienna, where my family lived when I was in high school? The kids could go to Austrian school for a couple of years and get really immersed in German!

Another aspect of life that I am feeling excited about is writing. I read a quote recently about the value of creating art out of love. What if I learn how to create images of people I have loved, like my mom and my great aunt Mary, so that I can remember and re-experience how beautiful they are? Also how complex and human they are. That would be a worthwhile endeavor, and something that could feed me on a deep level.

These are all good things, and I am excited about the possibilities.