Something's Gotta Give

I'm so bored and sick of this. I did everything "right" today, and still here I am in a shit hole. God damn it.

I tried to accomplish a task. I wanted to put plastic up on the big windows at the back of the kitchen, to keep the cold air out. It is frigid here today, and snow is making it's first nasty appearance of the season. Maureen was no help to me, with her whining and crying and "gimme gimme gimme". I could not find an extension cord to help make the hair dryer reach so that I could finish the job. So left the house a mess, peas and crackers and plastic forks strewn under the kitchen table. Went to the Y. Checked the kids in to "Kidstuff" for an hour, and got on a treadmill. Deep breathing helped me imagine all the gray and empty feelings shooting out of my body to somewhere far, far away. To the end of the universe. Did some qigong too, and felt kind of good after that. But morphed into a zombie again when I got behind the wheel of the van. Mo and F fell asleep as I moved us through traffic jams to pick up Maggie from school.

Reconsidering the new AD drug. Might take it before I see shrink #3 on Dec. 1. Have a stash of effexor downstairs, just have to go take it. Then pray that nothing bad happens to me, and that if I keep exercising the drugs will work faster. Tim is (supposed) to be around more over the next week because he's been working night and day on a project that is nearly finished. This could be a good time to try out the effexor. When I don't have to be solo parent in charge.

Now, I'm exhausted. I purchased the DVD "Something's Gotta Give", because I'm addicted to it. I don't have an explanation, except that it calms me down. I know the movie by heart, and I still laugh everytime Diane Keaton does her crying schtick. It's funny, I guess.