why blog 2

My life has changed since I started this blog. I have changed since I started this blog! I've just come through the hardest, most intense year of my life, and this week I'm starting to feel more balanced again. I feel like I deserve to rest and be comfortable for a while, and am paying better attention to what takes my energy and what gives me energy. Perhaps this is one of the lessons of the past year for me: to honor the chi, the holy life force, and be clear about where it goes and where it comes from. Don't squander it on silly things like tiring friendships or caring too much what other people think!

This doesn't mean that I would change any of my choices of the past year. I'm very grateful that I got to spend the time I did with my mom, and that I got to show her how much I love her. I will always love her, and now know that love is what lives no matter what happens to our bodies. How lucky I am to know this! How blessed I am that Carol, one of the most loving creatures ever to walk this earth, was my mother.

So, now it is time to focus on what gives me energy, and then make the most of it. This blog was started as a way to connect to friends and family during a difficult time, to get support so that I could survive. It was a way to to tell my story. It was an experiment that I've learned so much from, and that has made my life better.

In the past weeks I've come to realize that the purpose of this blog has changed. I've realized that writing is something that gives me energy, fills me with life, and makes my life work better. I am attending to something sacred and true when I sit down with my IBook and write. (FYI, the IBook was a Mother's Day present from my mom. thanks Carol!) This is not something I could have known without the experiences of the past year.

Thinking about what I want to write also gives me tremendous energy, and that is what I am doing right now. Steeping, ruminating, taking the time and space I need to just be quiet. These acts give me life. So I'm thinking about Katy's questions and what I want to say to them and getting energized. Also thinking about the secret blog that I will start, that will be for my eyes only.

How could this not be one of the most exciting times of my life?